Its a nosebleeding month. I am now posting up lots of Nosebleeding artwork in my Deviantart account. So stop by to get a nice view of hardcore yaoi picture

Yaoi means Gay, Boy love boy relationship in japanese Manga/Anime.

tata

Yay..GACC is just around the corner...>.< And yet i'm quite relax..LOL this is not happening. I shld be stressful..i've not completed much stuff like fanartworks. I haven't color anything yet...GAH...and then i need to do Tsubasa Chronicle fanart and Paradise Kiss fanart and its not even been touched..GAHGAHGAH...By the way..GACC2008 is in MMU Melaka on the 1st to 2nd March starting at 10am to 6pm for both days. Eliptical shadows will be on the F booth..Snap shot right in the middle of the whole event..Bwahhahahaa...and near the stage as well...Fweeee....it will be so clear and visible. Not to mention Masakazu Morita is the guest there..OMG i just realize...he's the voice caster for Tidus from Kingdom Hearts, FFX, FFX2 *faints* and he's also a voice caster for Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach, Claire Stanfield from Bacano, Auel Neider from Gundam Seed Destiny and Pegasus seiya from Saint Seiya Hades....Eeekkkk...he's so bishie....

*faint*



sigh...its unbelievable but it is...XD Anyway..be seeing you all there..Tata

There are two different shows that really really is the most touching thing i've ever seen. Ok but its slightly different from any movie or TV Shows i've seen. Well if its in Malaysia i bet its banned...LOLZ anyway..i was browsing thru the youtube.com for some random shows when i stumble upon two soap operas..ok i usually dun watch these stuff but its kinda nice. Seriously. Even though its not a straight movie or show..but its nice..Its a gay tv show that is usually can be found in America *duh* oh well it is pretty nice. One is just a mild one that is called As The World Turns about this guy name Luke that is easily be fallen for a guy that turns to be his best friend. First it was Kevin but when he later told kevin that he's gay...Kevin head for the hills (if you know what i mean) but later on to cut the story short Luke kinda save his life and now they are friends again. ^^ Then he met with Noah...well not to spoil the story..go watch. ^^ If you can't find the story..its also called Luke & Noah's Story ATWT. XD Another one is called Latter Days...this is slightly hardcore..the middle part is kinda sad...but the ending is kinda nice..sweet and loving..sigh..Sometimes i wonder how would people able to be open and later get the bad impression of you. For me I've so far being open to a certain friends who are able to take it that i'm bisexual. Even though i am not gay..but kinda lean towards the liking for guys. I'm not being able to be open to my parents but my sister knows i'm bi. But i kinda get the feeling that my parents kinda know. But they are not letting me know. I'm just afraid that they won't able to accept me as who i am. I'm from a strong Christian background and knowing my parents, i'll be dead if I would to confess that i'm Bi. I just tell them i'm not wanting to get married..Thats all but what if..i met someone i wanna spend my life with and that person is not a girl. What can i do like if there is a family event or some any kind of event that involve family. Do i introduce to them my bf or something if i have one. At the moment i'm stun and dunno what to do. I've been watching all these soap opera thing the first one, his parents are kinda cool about the whole issue of being gay but the 2nd one kinda makes me feel like that. Cos his parents are mormons and he was rejected heavily, being send to a correctional facility...being toss aside and his parents let his "bf" to know that he is dead or something. I mean. i feel the pain. What if..that would to be me. Sigh..i really really need some help and support from my friends for now. I mean some guys i told can accept me of who i am just that i do not involve them. But its kinda hard if i wanna talk more about my feelings. Sigh...T___T *being emo*

hohoho....Lots to do..

I have two sets of outfit to do for the fiesta..gonna wear it for fun..XD Its sorta like a gothic set.

Link:
http://www.dollheart.com/shop/ld115/ld115_e.htm

Pic:





I'm still working on the 2nd set though. Plus my own doujinshi group are setting up a booth there..still finding out the price for the booth still..@.@'' Plus I've book tickets to the fiesta for two days. Waiting for ppl to pay me oni haha. Then once collected then i will post it to that person. XDXD Hopefully the post ppl dun steal..Or else i'll whack thier head into the toilet bowl..Nyahahahha

Meep sorry for not being updating it..being busy to be lazy..haha...
I got my results..so far i passed..*kiss the floor, the result slip and the wall* SO happy..first time got two B+ XD the rest are Cs..sheesh. Oh well better than nothing. This term is a drag of three subs on three days. Sadly i'm no longer in IL58 class and Jon is not in that class either. When i found out that I'll be sorta deferring from that class i'll be joining the same class as what Jon will be taking that is IL61..i went coolies..so happy as least a close friend will be in that same class. Never felt better. Also it will be a good chance for me this term to slightly relax. Although i have three subjects but at least its ok. Because the first two subjects is like a breeze through. And only one subject that requires drawing. Its pretty ok for me because at least i am not taking Illustration 4 this term. But will be next term. I went into a class that i'm not suppose to be in it..:P but i found out that class is fun. The lecturer is coolies..He's uber funny with his stupid crack jokes like BMW when he meant was Black Model Woman..SWTS...anyway..This term..i'll be pretty bz with my other stuff that is my Doujin group. It seems i'm making money as well.^^ Will be celebrating this term too as my bday is coming end of the year. CF also will be coming. Already going to book tickets. Doujin group will be opening a booth there selling fan art stuff. So come to Times Square on the 15-16th and support us. >w< never actually been there before.. And will be lepaking at my aunt's house in KL on the 15th as the 16 have to be there early to set up stall..^^ Oh well..Pretty bz..Weeeezzzzz

Let me tell you what happen during my college term break..First week..stays at my friend's house in klang starting from after comiworld till thursday..after that went home..and daze out...till Monday where i travel up again to stay with my friend, Jonathan Yap house..ok at this point i think i overdo myself..Actually i'm suppose to stay there till Wed as arranged but problems arised at where i stay, had to extand till Saturday. At this point i feel VERY Guilty, having Jon and his parents to put up for me for the few extra days. This is how it goes... Monday we rested, Tuesday we pick up Jon' Godsister, Kumie-chan from KL Sentral and after that we went out shopping around in The Curve. Meet up with Guki-chan (which she also has problems at home..wonder wats going on). Had Lunch, watch Ratatoullie, Went for a photo shoot at the photo booth, Meet up with Kumie's cousin, Had dinner and some pancake house (at this point Jon was not feeling well) so we head back home. Jon suffered from fever and flu..so sad..SO anyway he rested till wed. Kumie miss her flight to Beijing. ANd by the way..she is studying in Beijing as a Chinese Literature Studies. So had to post poned her flight the next day (wed) Anyway..Jon is feeling slightly better so we had Dominoes for lunch. Dinner i had with Jon at some chinese jap fusion restaurant. Not bad. ^^ By this hour, Kumie flew off..she's fun to be with. Happy personality. A lil bit like Guki's half personality. XD Nice gal. YAY got her msn..XD THursday came suppose to go home but extended my stay till Saturday..Feeling horrible at this point. Cos Jon has plans of his own. >.< And today is my last day here..tomorrow going home..Feeling lousy now..>.< *stabs self with a pen knife* And yes..next week is my last week of holidays..I dunno hows the result like..i hope i can proceed on to the next..>< cos if i fail..>.< college kick me out..and i dunno what to do next..ARGH...be a begger..>

I tot ppl says holidays are supposingly to be fun..I find it boring..=.= i dunno why..I think i prefer the stress..LOLz..Oh well enjoy it while i can..>.< Cos i won't be getting much when i start working next time..:P But seriously..I think i had too much resting. I'm actually looking around for ppl to ask for commission. its so the other way around. PPl shld be asking me and not me asking em..>.< swts oh well who cares.. As long as i get to do something i am strong in that is CG art. >w< So far no peep from the doujin group..I hope its not dying..>.< oh well doujin group oso having holidays..LOLZ..I have like 4 empty commission slots. Once i've finished rin's and Silvy's and aya's one..i have 3 extras..Anybody you know wants one? its free...XDXD...So far my drawing spirit these two days aren't there..no idea..feeling drowsy and lazy..even to hold up my pen to draw is a zzzz...and my wacome was like suggesting i'd take a break and stop scratching him with the pen..I bet he hates that me molesting him all the time when i draw on photoshop..LOL..Ahh rin's gothic lolita dolfie is so hard to draw...>.< so many lines..so much frills..so much ribbons..countless..endless...@.@ why me..why i so stupid draw so much..>.< oh well..I want her to be happy like when i finish with her nao picture..XDXD One more day to go and i'll be at Jon's place...I wish he would be happy that i'm there..i wonder..Plus i'm cooking for him..wonder if he ever mind. For me i actually don't mind just to cook for ppl. Wonder if he feels the burden. Plus...during hols i go to my friend's place to cook for him and he dun have burden..LOLZ..oh well..

Almost one week of hols going to end..two more to go.haiz..
Well..gonna do like what Jon did in his blog..but i think i'll start on...*counting* Saturday

Sat: Comiworld was bad..VERY VERY BAD..walk around, got bored, went to Jon's crib. Hang till around 7.30pm. Jon fetch me to the LRT to go to KL sentral, Hop to train to Teluk Gadong (Klang) where my friend stays..Arrived at 10pm. Arrived, talk to jon on msn...went dota with my friend, and then sleep.

Sun: Hectic day...Tiring..Went to a unintentional hike up to some weird forest, had a 'picnic' with my friend and his friends and his friend's friend. >.< utter disaster..got bored and upset. Very frustrated. Reach home..sleep all the way.

Mon: Arrive One Utama at 9.30am went MCD had a lousy breakfast but the BANANA pie is ok. had to order icecream to make it tastier. Wonder around one u and got lost. Walk for an hour just to find MPH. Found MPH hidden. MPH there sucks. Prefer the one in Mid Valley..the ppl there less snobish and much helpful. EVEN IF I'M A FREAKIN MEMBER they treated me like HELL..seriously..plan on taking up a complain to midvalley headquarters of MPH..Meet Jon there...walk around had big burger lunch..Me almost broke due to sunday event and saturday event. Went to ATM...had trouble. Money hate me..refuse to come out. Went for a movie date-to. Sucks...prefer Ratatoulie..shld have watch it..(OMG I STILL HAVE NOT WATCH HARRY POTTER...@.@ this is so not me >.<) went bowling..as usual i suck in it..and did my best..but balls went into drain..roll roll roll. Lane oso hate me...T___T the balls were stuck and refuse to eject it out. (sounds wrong) Take train back to klang..reach home at 9.30am. went on..saw jon there..talk till i almost fall asleep on floor.

Tues: in klang...did basically nothing..

Wed: Installed Corel in friend's pc and start doing commissions
Finally done one..for Rin (my choir pal) CG..took me the whole day.
Receive call from Sarah, saying i pass my Visual Funds. I can proceed on. Feeling relief.

Today: Doing another list of commissions: CG Potrait of Silvy, my doujinshi leader. XD...going back to my home in Putrajaya..settle some stuff. Sees Sarah this Sat to get a letter to proceed.

Plans:
Sat: go to TOA in sunway, collect letter from sarah...then prolly get some stuff in Piramid then head home (going to soxworld. Looking for a red and black stripped socks and some leather gloves.)

Sun: Prolly do some commissions. Pack bag

Mon: Take train to sentral KL, take LRT. Visit Jonathan again. Stay there for three days, two nights. Promise to cook for his family as a way of saying thanks for last saturday. I hope the recipe works for them..I have weird ingredients in my mind at the moment.

Tues: Unsure of plans..prolly Jon has some idea. Hoping could bowl again..I think i'm addicted..>.<

Wed: Morning head home..Upon reaching home prolly i'll finish the rest of the commissions..I think i can do two CGed Potrait or more..sigh..

....................................................................

Ever felt alone, being rejected and being cast aside? That's what I am feeling right now. I got no one to turn to, being alone and no one to talk to and also to release my stress, sadness and frustration over being with someone. This is where i explain why. I hear people saying "i'm spending time with friends, family and such during the holidays" but where do i stand? I do want to spend time with my sister, but's gone for a camp and won't be back till my college starts. My parents...i rarely talk to them, hardly see them. Friends? well the one in Klang? often working in the morning while the other is away with HIS friends drinking and getting drunk. SO..basically i feel alone. Although i did have fun when i was with Jonathan, but that was when..two days ago..and now i have no idea..why i am feeling so dead alone. I am feeling so...upset and angry of myself being alive. On my msn..none ever appear..none ever talk to me for the past two days..For me..Two days is enough to make me alone..For i am very emotional and also i need people's company. In a few semesters ago, when i was in IL58 i see my own classmates talking, chatting in thier own mother tongue. I feel so rejected and all the time after class, i would wonder around aimlessly without anyone, having lunch alone and then go home with no friends. Until the time when Marketing class when we have to team up with someone, i felt..that i will never be a part of any group. I have no idea that i just turn and i saw this guy..and i just ask and he accepted me in his group. I feel belonged. And there is where i started to be friends with him. All these time i've been always alone, never having friends. Past friends would reject me and always being misunderstood. Instead of making friend's they would think bad of me. Everytime i would go home and curl up and cry alone in the dark knowing that people would forever hate that i existed. Many a times i tried that its useless to be ever alive and try to think of many ways to get rid of myself. Until i get to know Jonathan. He befriended me and became close. But lately he is lost contact for two days. And today, i'm feeling rejected..back to square one. I dunno.. for some reason, when i was with him, i feel that he is someone important to me, he noticed me and i do not feel invinsible. Apart of having friends like Saintaya or any other people (SORRY AYA) but i dun feel the same way as he does. Maybe we share something in common. Having someone to talk with, having company and being noticed. For me, if i would to celebrate my own birthday (even if parents do not and WILL not allow it) i prefer to have companionship or friendship rather than having to receive presents because having that would make me very happy. To spend time with them is the best gift that i could ever recieve. WHen i was working last time, the only 'friend' i have is the Head chef. He is the only one that understand me. Its hard for me to make friends as i have a hard time trusting people. I would be scared that if i share about myself, people may find a person or a guy like me being much more emotional compare to all the females in the world. BUT the fact is, i am. Although i may be BI and knowingly that parents would object it, friends may dispise me and reject becoming close to me, even though i try not to be, but its hard. I do have a counselor that would try to help me out, but for now, she is no longer around. I feel so lost. That is why i tend to look for Jonathan, cos he is my soul comfort. When he has trouble or worries I would be the one that will be his listener and helper. And would try my very best to be with him advicing him. But lately..i dunno..sigh..

GACKT~to in different outfits. He even roleplay that character he is dress as...SHld watch..Damn funny..its so not gackt..but so cool..XDXD although..he has nice body..XDXD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B7PTFlAh4c&mode=related&search=

Stuck at home in klang till Thursday.
I wish jon will come rescue me..XD

I had the best "date" ever..XDXD
My friend from Klang send me to One Utama before he goes to work..I reach there around 9.30 and as usual you know marts dun open that early..so i go to Mc D had my breakfast..XD but its lame ler..LOL..so i waiting till around 11am then oni i walk out to see around as i never been to One U before...I was there cos i made plans with Jonathan Yap...he has classes in the morning..Oh and i got lost in One U..went round and round three times..LOL..until i saw..oooh...got directory..so went to see..then found ooo...got MPH..so was trying hard to locate MPH..LOLZ...i din know it was in the new wing..LOLZ..i din know it has a new wing hahhaha...so anyway..found the place..sat there and read all the books till Jonathan calls saying he just finish his class and on his way to meet me. Well..my heart went YAY..LOLZ..then later he arrived..i ask him to bring me to the ATM..LOLZ..i dunno the way ma..*dun laugh* After that had lunch at some Burger stall..the burger was very VERY VERYYYYY satisfying..and SUPER HUGE..and i got ketchup on my face cos i press the burger down..lol..Jonathan even funnier. He tried to squeeze out the lemon into his Iced tea..his lemon fly and the juice hit his face..XDXD so cute..haha..anyway..we had a good time..chatting and EATING..wahahhaha..Anyway..after that we went to watch a movie at GSC..at first wanted to watch Ratatoulie..but then..late..@.@ so we decided to watch Rush Hour 3..awww..killer man..it was funny but not as funny as to compare to the 1st and 2nd.. I had to agree there, Jonathan..its true..it aint that much comedy..sigh.. just lots of action here and there..so then i saw the time..ohh its past 5.00pm when my friend supposingly picking me up..oh well i told him that i will travel back to his place my own. SO i decided to hang longer with Jon. So we went bowling..XD haha i score a bit but he score HOMGZ..he hit more pins..he is soo keng. well to cut the story short..we had fun. Well next time we wanna go out again..it was superb..XDXD de fantastico..ANd like i say..spending time with Jonathan is fun..he's like my brother..

Saturday 18th August 2007.
By Yoshiki Tsubasa

Choir for the TOA_TQM(or something like that)
well everything goes well..and guess what..i got a sore throat..@.@
haiz...too much practice and reaching to much high notes...LOLZ..
But anyway..it was cool..we get to see the disable people painting artworks using thier feet..HOMGZ...even I use hand to paint a sukupiak painting oso I malas..@.@ actually i prefer to use CG stuff rather than to sketch everything..especially FIGURES..@.@ i hate HATE figures..even though i'm in Illustration class.. i want to do manga..i want to do it in CG painting..>.<..and i guess Jonathan feels the same way..XDXD

Jonathan's crib
I LOVE HIS PLACE..HOMG..the nice calm blamy aura..so...*drifted to dreamland..I Wanna go his place again..my place sucks...>.< no fun and always work 24hrs..T___T so sian .... YAY i found a spa resort..XDXD..anyway Jon's place rawks..compare to places i visited..@w@ but sometimes must balance abit..his parents are so sweet..and go hyper over some tennis game on TV..so cute..XDXD and omg..his mum is pretty..@.@ *not after her..@.@""* and Jon's a sweet guy..but kesian him oso la..always get bullied by Guki and Rin-chan..LOLZ...haha always they poke him and pinch his checks..LOLZ..oh well he do have chubby cheeks that they like pinching..LOLZ..

COmiworld@ The Curve

IT SUCKS..well not as much stuff compare to comic fiesta..and HOMG..the booth..kesian so little..compare to the gaming one..they win hands down..@.@ aiyoh...sad case la..so little cosplayers oso..@.@..and by the way..i love the curve now..XDXD its pretty kewl..had lunch + dinner with Rin-chan, her friend mandy, Jonathan and three people whom we just meet..but i kinda saw one of the guys before..XDXD

Anyway..it was fun..
^^ i'm meeting jon this monday again..he's so fun to hang out with..i think i wanna make him my lil brother..or the other way around. I dun have a brother anyway..T__T and i wish to have one..

The Rules of this Tagging Game:

The 1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "6 weird habits/facts/dislikes about yourself" and people who get tagged must write in their journals about their 6 weird habits/facts/dislikes as well as state this rule clearly.

Yoshiki's Weird Habits/facts/dislikes:

1. I hate people hugging me too much or to get too much physical contact. I'm allergic and will faint

2. I would cook stuff and experiment stuff when i'm either bored or emotional

3. I don't mind eating weird stuff (seriously)

4. I get crushes easily..(dun ask)

5. I hate sweet soap..Sweet smell and stuff..@.@

6. I'm immune to cold, flu and fever. XDXD

NOW your turn...^^

Ok..i'm not the only one in TOA that is suffering..But i guess not everyone has to go thru choir practice and have to sing in front of TOA people..@.@ hopefully the lect i know wont be there..or else..i guess will be wearing a bag over my head..*grabs my bag and shove my head in* oh and guess what..I'm now free ENOUGH to bake stuff..YAY my pudding success..i change the recipe and add something extras..XD i hope its not too rich..but my house smells of it..@.@ even my neighbours are asking for the recipe..Noooo..i wont give..^^ LOLZ ok ok i'm not a meanie..^^ WHo wants recipe..ask from me personally..^^ Anyway..i write recipes actually. ^^ Dats why i'm not willing to share unless your my friend or classmates that i know of..^^
Oh well..back to practicing..

YAY COMIWORLD COming..but its not going to be as grand as Comic Fiesta i guess..XDXD
Just for the info..its going to be at the Cineleisure on the 18th, 19th and the 20th August 2007, !8th august starts at 11am..at the curve..sadly i will be there late..T___T..

Why do i spend money or cook for people? Well one reason is because when i see people enjoy something i give them, i feel happy not because i want to show off. If they do, then i'm sorry if i give a wrong message. Because that is not my aim to do so. sigh...what to do..Last time when i was working in the kitchen..i was working at the front buffet line where i cook breakfast for people if they ordered. So when they take the food i prepare seeing them eat and enjoy it make me happy. Same goes when i 'belanja' people food or snacks or desert actually make me comfortable and happy because i value thier friendship and company to be with them. But am i sorta sending out wrong messages as well?? i dunno..I know last time i treat people lunches or dinner in the end they make use of me (this is wat some people told me) but i dun care much cos they get to be with me and being friends with me cos i respect them and appreciate them to be around. Well that's all..*emo* oh well..sigh..TAT